Forced to wake up at the ungodly hour of 8am to attend a breakfast I wonder what sort of sadist thinks that 9am on the Thursday of MIPIM is an acceptable start time. I tweet this.
When I get to the restaurant, the subject of Twitter comes up and my host follows me. I come clean. Rumbled on Twitter. Given the positively allergic reaction most property boys have to Twitter, I thought I was safe but there is now no hiding place. It is the end of days.
The thought of the breakfast put paid to nocturnal activity of the doing it large kind as I shun the hordes at Bar Roma and give a wide berth to the BNP Paribas do. But don’t feel sorry for me as I’ve had a spectacular dinner at Gaston Gastounette courtesy of the legend that is Bryn Williams of DTZ and whose hospitality I’ve been enjoying for nigh on 15 years.
Not quite as eventful as the DTZ dinner at which I discovered that a mass defection was about to take place from my previous firm to the firm of the lawyer opposite. I hoped he didn’t notice me choking on my starter. They hadn’t quite announced that internally.
I might have enjoyed dinner more had I not also been there for lunch, with one of the very finest teams of residential lenders, the boys at Commercial Acceptances (does that work, Nic?) whose idea of a gin and tonic is one containing a minimum of four shots. They know how to entertain. Sitting next to 2 potential new clients, obviously, most of my conversation revolved around food.
It would be lovely if I could have one conversation which did not start with “so, when did you get here?” “So when are you leaving?” This is the MIPIM equivalent of a chat up line and is the classical opening gambit. I am crafting a more memorable opening line, in between teaching people how to get the best out of their iPhones (yes I am still doing that) and changing their profile pictures. I am taught a new word by an Investec banker.
“Whatevs” is so last MIPIM, we are now all “ceebs”. You have all heard of the expression CBA, I am sure. This is for when you cannot even be bothered to say CBA and now when some misguided soul ask you whether you are going to the breakfast presentation about global wealth, organised by someone who thinks 8 AM is an acceptable time for breakfast, you have your answer.
And I’d love to stay and chat, but I have two lunches, three coffee is, a cocktail party and dinner to get through. Laterz.
